Sunday, December 7, 2008

Twilight (2008)


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Okay, now for a more professional review...sort of. Directed by Catherine Hardwicke, Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart as Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. The "film" is based on a novel written by Stephanie Myer, who was very involved in the process of the film. The plot from the book is dumbed down greatly for the movie and it is pretty basic: Girl finds cute vampire guy. Cute vampire guy likes girl....and wants to suck her blood out. Both fall in love? Sounds great, right?

Enough of the boring information and on to the review. This movie is awful from every single aspect. Plot, acting, DIALOGUE, and even direction are all severely lacking in this clusterfuck of a movie. Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson are painfully awkward actors, especially with each other. There isn't a point in the movie where Pattinson doesn't look like he's on the verge of running to the restroom in a split second. Stewart provides the same monotone, boring emotion for every single line of dialogue in this picture. I'm not sure that her voice ever changes, no matter what the situation. It seems she has taken a lesson from the Keanu School of Emotion. The rest of the cast aren't even relevant, but they are equally as bad.


Having seen the film Thirteen, I was actually rather excited to see what Catherine Hardwicke could pull of with this movie. Thirteen, it's true, was sometimes annoying and sometimes boring to watch, but it's a fairly solid film. However, Twilight proves that Hardwicke isn't ready for the big time and she did not pull this off. Nevermind completely lacking the ability to get a decent line of dialogue out of even one actor, she couldn't even really manage to shoot one redeemable scene. Twilight, despite being utter shit, has managed to gross massive amounts of cash and really hasn't had anything overly negative said about it. It has just sort of been overlooked as being shit because of it's massive fan base and ability to make some major bank. Not from me, however.

Overall, Twilight is utter garbage which virtually rapes the source material it originates from. From the hysterical, Ed Wood style acting and a script that belonged in the paper shredder, this movie is awful. Hopefully, you all didn't suckered in to the hype and have managed to avoid this blemish upon the world of cinema.

1/10 and that one is only there because Kristen Stewart is mildly attractive.

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